When Taylor was diagnosed with Diabetes, it really threw me for a loop. (I feel really lame for saying that because clearly, the world does not revolve around me.) At first, I worried constantly about Taylor and his health. I asked what every blood sugar was, I went to every appointment, and I even panicked every time he rolled over in bed.
I think it was a control thing for me. I couldn't control what was happening to his body, so I worried instead. Slowly, (and I do mean s-l-o-w-l-y) I began to let some of those worries go. If Taylor's sugar is low, I've got life savers in my purse. I don't ask him every twenty minutes if he needs them anymore. If he wants to eat a snack, I don't ask if he adjusted his insulin for it. When he goes to the doctor, I ask if he wants me to come and if not, I ask how it went afterwards. I had to realize that Taylor is a very logical and competent big boy. He knows what he is feeling and how to adjust if something is off. I had to learn to be supportive of his treatment and not police his habits.
I'm not saying that I don't worry anymore. But it's not the same paralyzing fear that at any moment something could go terribly wrong. I trust Taylor to communicate with me when he isn't feeling well and for me, that's a big step.
Our life has taken a much different path than we could have ever dreamed of. Sometimes it hurts to think back even just a few months to when we were so unaware of what lay ahead. As dramatic as it sounds, the plans we made for our future fell like a stack of cards in August. With the diagnosis not only came a lifestyle change, but also a career change for Taylor. My heart breaks every time I think about his dream of being a pilot being taken away. I can't express how grateful I am to still have Taylor with me, much less a more healthy version of himself, but as humans we always want that cherry on top. If we lived in a perfect world, the rules would be changed tomorrow and life would get back to our old normal by the weekend.
A week after we got back from California, my friend Jocelyn invited me to see Beth Moore live in Pennsylvania. For the past month, my heart had been running on empty. I was sick with worry and stress, I couldn't sleep, and was one wrong turn from an emotional breakdown. The conference was exactly what I needed to refill my tank and keep me going. Every word was the exact one I needed to hear. I left the arena that day still sad, stressed, and worried, but ready to face those emotions with a renewed energy. One of her speaking points that day was "Faith trusts that every call to forsake is a call to also take." It stuck with me and when I am feeling especially sorry for myself and our situation, I am reminded that even though our plan for our life was forsaken, we have taken a new life to live. Being sad about the old path doesn't let me enjoy our new one!
Once we got accustomed to our new life on the East Coast and the new routines involved, we were able to finally relax. We have explored our surroundings a bit, spent time with people we love, and gotten involved in our neighborhood. Sometimes things seem a little unfair, but overall we are having a blast.
Just so this post isn't all doom and gloom, I've decided to include some of our highlights from the past few months.
- Taylor has started woodworking and we should hopefully be sleeping in a handmade bed in a couple of days! Up next for him is a dining room table to replace the card table currently occupying our home.
- We survived Hurricane Sandy with a shingle as the only casualty. The 4 day power outage was painful, but we were thankful to have a place to sleep and shower. (Even if both were less than ideal temperatures.)
- During the hurricane, I started reading the Janet Evanovich series and throughout the month of November, I caught up on all NINETEEN of the books. Once I returned the last book to the library, I had a moment of not knowing what to do with my free time anymore. I'm currently searching for a new book to read!
- We've traveled to DC and NYC a couple of times. Our first trip to NYC was days after hurricane Sandy and it was quite an experience. Half the city was still without power and under water. By the time we got back up there, everything was pretty much back to normal. However, choosing to go the weekend that the Rockefeller tree was lit was not our best idea.
- We put up our first Christmas tree! Taylor was hesitant at first since we won't be in town for Christmas, but I eventually talked him into it. A tree definitely makes our house a little more homey during the holidays as well as making me feel like a real adult.
I know those aren't all of our big events, but the rest will have to wait because I just can't remember them. I try hard to stay positive on my blog and even though this post was mostly down in the dumps, I really needed to write it. I enjoy writing and I'm hoping that I'll be able to stay more up to date on our happenings. Who knows, maybe next time, I'll be back with another LBMM story.